this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
