It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
