you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize