where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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