so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
