So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
