We're facebook friends in real life
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
