Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
