Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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