Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
