I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
