Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
