We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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