Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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