That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
