We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
