mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
