Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.

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(416): View more from Ontario

I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.

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(940): View more from Texas

I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...

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(601): View more from Mississippi

She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.

(1-443): View more from Maryland

That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.

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(360): View more from Washington

Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.

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(585): View more from New York

I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital

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