Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
