Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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