At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize