Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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