So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
