You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
