just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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