I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
