I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize