Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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