i would punch a child for taco bell
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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