I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
