I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
