i barfeds in our rink
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
