there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
