this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
