is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
