I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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