no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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