the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
