my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
