Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
