Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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