Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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