I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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