i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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