guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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