There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
