none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can i not drive my cunt home
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
