I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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