I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
