When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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