oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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