my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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