I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
