Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
