You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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