she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
