Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
