YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
