I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize