no you cant smoke seaweed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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