I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
