either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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