I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
