he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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