My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
