Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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