Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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