idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He did a backflip because drugs
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