i may or may not be watching the land before time
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
