Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
