mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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