I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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