the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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