he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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