I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
