i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize