she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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