What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
